Just Jump
by Brownsugar12
Summary: Clare has a hard enough life at home with an abusive father, on top of that Eli and his friends terrorize her at school and she does something no one expects.
1. Chapter 1

Clare walked through the front doors of Degrassi Community School expecting the same things to happen today as everyday. Eli and his friends would bully her and make her high school experience miserable.

She was always afraid to go to school, because of what Eli and his friends might do to her.

An exasperated sigh escaped her lips as she walked to her locker to see Eli leaning against it.

"Can you please move?" she asked not in the mood for his crap today.

"Not excited to see me Clare-bear?" he smirked and pushed himself off her locker and stepped to the side. Clare flinched at the sound of that name, for that was the nickname her father used before he hurt her.

Clare twisted in her combination and opened her locker as notes fell out and onto the floor. She didn't even bother to pick them up, she already knew what they said. They called her bad names, slut, bitch, whore, everything her father used to call her.

Everything that Eli did to her seemed to remind her of her father and his abusive ways. She pulled out her books she needed for her class and discarded the ones she didn't. She soon closed her locker and turned to walk to her class, only to run into someone and fall to the floor, yet again and hissed as the bruise on her back hit the floor.

"Watch where you're going syupid bitch." Fitz said and bumped fists with Eli.

"Sorry" Clare said timidly,getting up with her head hung low.

"No, your not getting off that easy." Fitz said grabbing the back of her shirt to pull her back to where she previously stood.

"Please Fitz not today." She was expecting this to happen and ready to take whatever was coming to her.

"If not today Clare, then when?" Eli asked a smirk playing on his lips.

"How about never" Clare mumbled under her breath. Fitz and Eli seemed to notice and crowded around her.

"What did you say bitch!" Eli pushed her into the lockers and she hissed when her bruised shoulder hit the metal.

"I didn't say anything." She whispered staring down at the ground.

"Hey Clare when's the last time you had sex?" Eli asked an obnoxious smirk playing on his lips. Eli and Fitz switched glances and grinned, then both looked back down at Clare, knowing she's a virgin.

Clare's eyes widened as the evnts from the night before flashed through her thoughts. The last time Clare had sex willingly was...never, but she wouldn't tell them that.

When Clare didn't answer Eli took that as an opportunity to get his last word in.

"Or did you get off with your daddy last night." Both boys laughed and walked away leaving Clare against the locker broken, and depressed.

Clare was panicing, she couldn't take this anymore. The beatings, the rapes, the bullying. She had to get out.

The bell rang signalling the start of first period, she took the as an opportunity and ran up the stairs that led to the roof.

Alli walked through the parking lot as fast as she could to get to class. She was already late and she didn't want to stay for detention after school.

She noticed that someone was standing on the roof, as she got closer she noticed that person was Clare.

Clare looked paniced, and confused as she stood at the edge of the school roof.

"Clare what are you doing up there?" Ali asked looking up at Clare.

Clare's head shot to where the voice was coming from and noticed that it was Ali.

"Ali why are you out here?" Clare asked looking down at Ali.

"Better question, what are you doing up there, get down your missing class."

"I don't care anymore, I hate my life, I'm being tortured daily at school, I can't be anywhere without ruining everything, I hate life!" Clare yelled from the roof.

"What do you mean?" Ali was beginning to worry by what she had just said.

"I'm done, Ali...I'm jumping!"

"Oh no Clare please don't do this." Ali begged.

"No,Ali ther's nothing you can do that can change my mind!"

The only thing Ali could think about doing was telling someone what was going on. She ran inside and straight to Mr. Simpson's office, where Eli so happened to be waiting.

"Mr. Simpson you have to come now, Clare's on the roof, she's going to jump." Ali said out of breath from running in her favorite pink heels.

Mr. Simpson's eyes widened at what he just heard and followed Ali running outside to where Clare was.

Eli ran outside behind them to find Clare standing at the edge of the roof looking down at Mr. Simpson and Ali. Secretly he loved Clare but he also loved to torture her and instanly regreted what he had done when he saw Clare standing on the roof.

"Why Ali I thought you were my best friend!" Clare said tears streaming her face. Ali was also crying at how much pain her best friend was in.

"I am your best friend Clare, that's why I can't let you do this." Ali said holding back sobs.

"Please Clare get down and we can work out your problems an-" Mr. Simpson was interupted by Clare.

"NO! it's to late... and of all people you bring him?" she hissed as she noticed Eli standing behind Mr. Simpson. Eli walks from behind the principal a look of concern plastered on his face.

"Clare please don't do this, I love you." Eli said looking into Clare's eyes from a distance.

Clare scoffed and rolled her eyes at his stupid attempt to get her to come down to earth.

"So you do this to everyone you love...you've tortured and bullied me for months and I'm sick of it...I'm terrified to come to my own school because I'm scared of what you would do to me...I'm done!" Clare said her voice cracking from her crying.

"Please Clare don't do this, I need you." Ali said sobbing.

Eli felt tears stinging his eyes and threatening to fall down his cheeks.

"Are you happy now Eli? your life will be so much better once I'm gone." Clare said stepping closer to the edge of the roof and looking down.

"Clare please I lov-" He was interupted when Clare yelled

"STOP IT! YOU DON'T LOVE ME!" Clare yelled down towards Eli.

"nobody can love me." she mumbled. Clare was so confused, she felt so trapped all the time, and she wanted to be free. The only way she could do that was to die.

"Clare..." Eli was really scared for her, he knew how she felt...wanting to die because life was so horrible.

"Hey Eli...do you know what my dad does to me?" Clare asked, when Eli didn't answer she took that as her cue to continue.

"He beats me, calls me names just like you do...and he, he rapes me." Eli's eyes widened from what she just told him and made him feel like a complete asshole.

"So to answer your question, the last time I had sex was last night, but not willingly!" Eli felt tears streaming down his cheeks. He was overcome with so much emotion. How could he do so many horrible things to a girl who was already so broken and not see it.

A small crowd of students started to form outside. People whispered, stared, gasped with shock at what they were seeing.

"Clare I am so sorry for everything I've done to you...I didn't think-I didn't know about your home life and how much I was hurting you, truth is...I've liked you for a long time!" Eli yelled up at Clare. People around him gasped and looked shocked. Eli turned around to see he was surrounded by students and saw Fitz, Owen ,and Reese in the crowd.

Fitz had a smirk on his face, not thinking that 'Saint Clare' was actually going to jump. He cupped his hands around his mouth and yelled "Just jump!"

Clare's head shot to where the voice came from and saw Fitz, Owen and , Reese laughing in the crowd. She started crying harder and stepped closer to the edge.

"SHUT UP!" Eli yelled towards Fitz and the other guys, but it was too late.

Clare turned her back towards the crowd, took a deep breath and leaned back, falling off the roof. She felt herself plummit to the earth and finally felt free. Like she left all her problems on the roof.

"NO!" Eli screamed watching her body fall to the ground.

People gasped, and screamed when she hit the concrete of the parking lot. Everyone was frozen in their spots, afraid of what they were going to see.

Eli pushed throught the crowd and almost threw up when he saw her mangled body covered in blood. He dropped to his knees and cried over the body of the girl he onces loved and now destroyed.

**Hope you guys liked it. Should I keep it a oneshot or keep goning?**

**REVIEW!**


	2. Chapter 2

**AU: Thanx you guys for the awsome comments...You guys make me smile. I'm sorry if I made some of you cry...hope you like chapter 2!**

It was a week after Clare Edwards killed herself ,and the halls of Degrassi were filled with tear streaked faces and saddened teenagers. Eli being the sadest out of all, some would even say depressed.

Eli walked the halls like a zombie, blank faced...lifeless. He killed the girl he loved with words that he didn't even mean. He killed the girl he loved in turn killing him. He shuffled to the boys bathroom, and locking himself in a stall, he slid down the wall and buried his head in his knees, crying like he did everyday.

People hated him and his friends for the death of Clare and he couldn't blame them, he also hated himself.

Eli walked out of the bathroom and was instantly shoved into a wall and hissed as his shoulder came in contact with the white brick wall. He looked up to see Adam glaring at him with hatred in his eyes.

"Are you happy now? You finally got rid of her." Adam said with venom in his voice, then walked away down the hall.

Eli pushed himself off the wall, picked up his bag, and made his way to his first class, recieving nasty glares from passing students. He saw Fitz talking to Owen and Reese further down and chose to ignore them, until he saw Fitz's grief stricken face.

Fitz felt completely responsible for Clare killing herself. He hasn't slept in days because everytime he closes his eyes he sees Clare's body falling to the ground.

Fitz always wondered what would have happened if he didn't say those final words. Maybe she would still be alive, her blood was on his hands and it made him sick. Fitz secretly liked Clare but was too much of a coward to tell her. He couldn't even imagine how Eli felt. Eli loved her.

Eli walked to Fitz and the other guys and Fitz couldn't hold back what he wanted to say.

"Eli I am so sorry if I had known she was that messed up I never would have said what I said, I thought she was just trying to get attention I didn't think she was actually going to do it...I am so sorry." Fitz said, silent tears falling from his eyes.

Eli didn't say a word, just stood there and looked at him with blank eyes.

"I don't really want to talk about it...it was mainly my fault, so see you later ,maybe." Eli said in monotone then walked into his class.

**oOo**

**Eli's POV**

I was laying on my bed staring up at the ceiling, thinking about _her_. I couldn't even say her name without getting emotional and on the brink of tears. I hardly slept in days and I felt like I was going insane.

"Are you happy now?" the voice sounded distant and familiar. I sat up and looked around the room to see if anyone was there, besides me the room was empty.

"I'm hearing things." I layed back down on my bed and closed my eyes to relax and clear my head.

"How could you sleep knowing you killed me." The voice said again, this time I knew who it was. My eyes shot open to see _her_ standing in front of me. She looked pale, her hair was dull, her skin was glowing, and she was...translucent.

"Now I know I'm crazy, this isn't real, I just need some sleep, yeah that's it sleep." I mumbled to myself sounding like a crazy person.

"No Eli I'm here, I'm real, and I'm dead, because of you." She said angrily.

"Clare I didn't mean any of those things...I truly did love you, but I didn't know how to tell you." I said trying to sound convincing.

"Oh so you couldn't think to say 'hey Clare I like you, do you want to go out some time?'" she said sarcastically.

I couldn't even believe what I was seing right now.

". for what I did to you, if I could I would take it all back and start over."

"Yeah that's what you say now that I'm dead huh, you know the night before I died my father raped me, multiple times, then got drunk and beat me, what he did that night happened daily but somehow it felt different...worse." She said.

"How?" I was curious.

"He hit me harder...much, much harder this time, like he was getting all the hits he could, like he knew I was going to kill myself." She sounded sad.

"I'm so so-" I tried to apologies but she wasn't having it.

"NO YOUR NOT, YOU JUST FEEL BAD, BECAUSE YOUR GETTING BLAMED...YOU NEVER CARED ABOUT ME, YOU HATED ME,AND I HATE YOU,WHEN I'M DONE WITH YOU YOU'LL WISH YOU WERE DEAD!" She disappeared from my room and left me shaking in fear.

What was she going to do to me? I didn't want to think about this right now. I thought of the only way I could take my mind off of this and walked to my bathroom.

I looked in the mirror, I had dark circles under my eyes, my hair was a mess, and my face was pale.

I reached into the cabinet under the sink and pulled out a pack of raisers, my hands were shaking. I took out a raiser blade and placed the cold metal to my wrist and dragged it across the skin of my wrist opening it slightly.

I hissed at the pain that soon felt good, I was hoping I wouldn't have to do this again, but eveything just got to much to handle.

I watched as the blood dripped around my wrist and into the sink, a smirk crept on my lips.

It's the least I could do for what I did to Clare. This little bit of pain is nothing like what I put Clare through all that time. I desearve this.

**AN: Ok guys well I made this story a two shot and I know this chapter sucks, and I apprecite all you guys reading my story. R&R!**


	3. Chapter 3

chapter 3

I walked out of my house monday morning, the crisp Toronto breeze hitting my face and soothing my puffy eyes.

It's been three months since everything happened, Ali and Adam still hate me, but things seemed to have calmed down at Degrassi. I walked to Morty and got in, starting the engine and the short drive to school. I pulled up in my usual parking spot, took a deep breath and got out of my car.

The weather outside was really nice but something didn't feel right. I felt like I was being watched. I whipped around and breathed a sigh of relief when I only saw two girls leaning on a car, talking, and laughing. I brushed off the feeling and walked up the front steps of the school, heading to my locker.

When I reached my destination, there was a pink sticky note stuck to my locker. I ripped the sticky piece of paper off the door and read what it said.

**"I'm still here Eli, dont forget that :)"**

I got chills,thinking ,knowing who wrote this and remembered what 'Clare' told me when she showed in my room.

"YOU JUST FEEL BAD THAT I DIED, YOU DIDN'T CARE ABOUT ME, YOU HATED ME...AND I HATE YOU, WHEN I'M DONE WITH YOU, YOU'LL WISH YOU WERE DEAD."

What was she going to do to me?

I didn't realize I was talking to myself until I turned around and saw people giving me looks like I was a crazy person. I couldn't blame them, I felt like I was going crazy. I felt a hand on my shoulder and jumped. I turned around to see Fitz with his hands up in surrender.

"Whoa man calm down its just me."

"Sorry just a little jumpy is all."

"You alright man you look sick, maybe you should go home."

"No I'm fine just..didn't sleep that well last night, homework and stuff." I haven't had a good nights sleep in weeks. I would always wake up sweating from a nightmare and couldn't get back to sleep, or I wouldn't sleep at all. I would be awake and alert waiting for Clare to strike, but she never came.

I could tell that CeCe and Bullfrog were worried about me. They would always ask me how I was doing, and check up on me. They've started taking me to theropy 3 times a week so I could talk about my 'feelings' and get help with my 'mental stability'. My mental stability is fine, it just pisses me off how the fucking theropist tries to get into my fucking head.

I was ripped from my thoughts when I heard Fitz say something about Clare's dad being arrested. I stopped in my tracks and turned and grabbed his arm.

"Wait, what did you say?" I said my voice reeking of interest.

"Clare's dad got arrested for beating up her mom, yeah she confest about everything he used to do to her and Clare, he's going to jail for a while, it's all over the news dude." Fitz said.

I was so happy that rat bastered of a father finally got what he deserved for what he did to Clare, but I still didn't put my guard down. I was still watching out for 'Clare' and her revenge.

"Hey Fitz what would you say if I told you, a few days after Clare died she showed up in my room." I asked looking up at him.

"I'd say whatever your on I want some." He said and started laughing, then stopped when he realized I was being serious.

"Are you serious, Eli I really think you need some sleep man, take a break." He put his hand on my shoulder and I shrugged it off.

"No man I'm not tired and I'm not crazy, she sowed up in my room and told me what her dad used to do to her, and I told her that if I had known I wouldn't have done what I did, I tried to apologize man, but she started yelling at me and telling me that I would wish I were dead." I explained and the look on Fitz face would say that he didn't believe me.

"Dude, go home ,go to sleep, relax, and stop worrying about Clare, she's gone." He said then walked off down the hall.

The bell rang signalling first period was about to start and I was dreading it. Today was going to be a long day.

**At home**

I layed on my bed staring at the ceiling, thinking, and talking to Clare.

"You know I didn't mean anything I said." I said.

No answer

"I really did love you."

No answer

I was getting irritated that she wouldn't answer me. I knew she could hear me, she just wanted to make me go crazy, but I'm not crazy and she's not getting to me.

_Knock_

_Knock_

Cece walked into my room, a timid smile on my face.

"Hey baby boy, how you feeling?" Sher said walking over to my bed.

"I'm fine, I guess." Total lie.

"Eli I'm worried about you, you've been really distant, and talking to yourself quite a bit...maybe we should make your theropy sessions 5 times a week." She said as more of a qustion more than a statement.

"No mom I'm fine I don't need some stranger trying to read my mind and have me talk about my feelings...I'm good, I'm tired of him talking to me like he knows what I feel, when he has no idea."

"Eli-" She started to argue but I stopped her before I got mad and sayed something I would regret.

"Mom I don't need help...can you please go, I'm tired." I said and layed back on my bed.

Cece ruffled my hair and left the room, closing the door behind her. I sighed heavily and walked to my bathroom to take a shower and calm my nerves.

I walked into the bathroom and flipped on the light and a bright pink sticky note on the mirror caught my attention. I looked at it for a while before peeling it off to read it.

**"Almost there Eli :)"**

**Sorry this chapter took so long but I've been caught up with school a lot and I really got writer's block on this one and I hope you liked it. **

**What will happen to Eli's sanity? **

**Is Clare really there, or is it just Eli's conscience playing tricks on him?**

**Coming soon to a computer near you :)**


	4. Chapter 4

I haven't left my house in more than a week, I hardly stepped foot out of my own room the whole time. I would just lay in my bed surrounded by darkness and quiet, just thinking. I have been having constant nightmares about Clare, or what use to be. I can't eat, sleep, or even think straight without _her_ invading my thoughts. I haven't spoken to anyone or even had any human interaction in that time.

Cece and Bullfrog seem to be getting frustrated with me, and the therepist seems to be coming by the house more often. He asks me questions that I wouldn't answer and tells me things that I don't listen to. I just shut everyone out, he was diagnosing me with diseases I didn't have. OCD, depression, and other things that I had to take medicane for.

I was laying in my darkened room wallowing in my own self pity and feeling like I was being crushed with the weight of Clare's death. Dr. James my therepist walked into my room with his usuall clipboard and timer.

"Hello Elijah I'm here for your session today." He sat down in my computer across the room, pulled out a pen and started the timer. "So Elijah how was your week?" He asked pen in hand ready to write.

I stayed silent not answering his questions through the whole session. The timer finally went off signaling that the session was over.

He gor up and walked to the bed room door. "I'll see you for tommorrow's session." He walked out of the room and I hear low mumbles of voices outside my door. The voices fade as they walk down the stairs and I hear the front door close.

I sigh in relief that he is gone and I start to feel sleepy and close my eyes to let sleep devoure me.

.

.

.

I wake up the sound of my door opening and turn to see 2 big guys wuth white coats standing at my door. I sit up confused, thinking this is another nightmare that Clare has planted in my head.

The 2 big men walk over to my bed and I scoot back towards the head board to get away from them. They grab me by my arms and drag me off the bed and onto the floor. I try to get away from them but one of the men picks me up roughly and carries me out of my room.

"PUT ME DOWN...WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU! CECE HELP ME!" I scream for Cece and Bullfrog to come help me. The men walk into the living room and I see Cece and Bullfrog standin there watching these men take me.

I'm so confused. Why would they let these strange men take me? This must be one of Clare's nightmares.

"Stop I want to talk to him." Cece says in a soft voice and the men stop and put me down, but still have a grip by my arms.

"Mom please what's going on?" I ask.

"Baby boy you've been so...lost since Clare died, you haven't been yourself and you need help...these men are here to help you." She says and touches my face, I turn my face away from her hand.

"Why would you do this to me? I'm not crazy! It's Clare she's haunting me...she-she won't leave me alone!" I yell but it doesn't look like they are convinced.

"You don't believe me. You think I'm crazy. I'M NOT CRAZY! It's Clare she's messing with me. Mom, Dad please I'm not crazy." I look at them and see tears stream down Cece's face.

"MOM PLEASE TELL THEM!" I start thrashing and the men tighten their grip on my arms and start taking me out of the house.

"PLEASE I'M NOT CRAZY! I'M NOT CRAZY! BELIEVE ME! Clare tell them I'm not crazy, tell them this is a joke, that you're playing games with me. TELL THEM!" I scream looking up at the ceiling waiting for a reply that never came.

The men drag me out of the house and put me in the back of a padded van, This could not be happening, I was dreaming, yeah that's it this is all one big dream that just seems real.

"Clare please let me wake up, I'm scared." I said on the verge of crying.

The van comes to a stop and the men open the back doors and grab me, pulling me out of the van. There was a nurse with a needle and the men hold my arms out while the nurse comes toward me with theneedle. I fight as hard as I can till I feel the prick of the needle in my arm and sudden drowsiness. My eyes roll in the back of my head as I fall into a artificial sleep.

.

.

.

I was strapped to a bed, confused, with an excrusiating headache. It looked like I was in a hospital, but there was something different about it. Patients were walking the halls like zombies, like they were drugged, and trained not to feel. Then it all came to me, where I am.

I'm in a mental hospital.

All the events that led up to this, running through my mind making my headache worse. My parents put me here for my own good. Fuck them. I'm fine. I've just been down since Clare died. When she died, feelings came up that I didn't even know I had. She was standing on that roof in pain, and it was parcialy my fault.

You know that saying 'You don't know what you got until it's gone'? That's completely true. I didn't know how much I loved and cared for Clare until she took her life on the roof. I didn't want to hurt her, but I also didn't want her to know how I truely felt. Look how great that turned out.

"Hello Eli", The sound of her gentle voice ripped me from my reverie,I slowly turned a horrified expression spreading across my face.

There she stood, my Clare, covered in blood and a gash in her head. I couldn't move. This can't be happening, she's not here. She stood there with a smile on her face, but not the beautiful smile I fell in love with. No. This was a smile that made me fear for my life.

"I love you too Eli, we can be together now...your almost there." She said walking closer to my bed. I tried to move but the restraints wouldn't allow me to.

"Wha-What do you mean?"

"I did this for you."

"Clare...what did you do...TELL ME WHAT YOU DID!" I yelled trying to get out of the bed. She slowly walked to the bed and reached a blood soaked hand to touch my face.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" I yelled and turned my face away from her hand, feeling her hand on my cheek.

"ELI ELI CALM DOWN!" My eyes snapped open to see a nurse in front of me , her hands where Clare's were.

That wasn't Clare? Maybe I am going insane. No. This is just apart of Clare's sick game. I know what I saw and that wasn't the fucking nurse.

"WHERE'S CLARE, SHE WAS JUST HERE!" I looked around the room and there was no sign of her ever being here.

"No Elijah she wasn't." The nurse said in a calm tone that pissed me off.

"Don't call me that, it's Eli and SHE WAS JUST FUCKING HERE!"

"Eli calm down you just need some rest, I'll go get your medication." The nurse left the room and came back a few minutes later with a small cup with my pills abd a bottled water.

"Here you go." She said handing me my medicine with the water.

I took the medicine, drank the water and gave the empty cup back to the nurse before she left the room again.

No matter how much I tried to not think of Clare...I just couldn't. She is dead because of me and now because I killed her I'm paying for it. I have to stay in this place for God knows how long while they grill me about my feelings and try to get into my head.

I just wish that would have been me that jumped off that roof instead of Clare. She had so much more to live for. She was nice, caring, beautiful, smart, and...broken. She didn't deserve what any of us did to her.

It should have been me, and now because of what I did Clare will forever haunt me.

* * *

><p><strong>That was the last chapter you guys. I hope you liked my story and I will hopefully have another chapter of it hurts too much posted soon. <strong>

**I honestly don't think that was a very good ending, and if you dont think so R & R and tell me what you think of it.**

**Thanx for reading :)**


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